StorIES Under Construction

[PhoenixTears]

Seems like this topic died.
Well, that can't really be helped since I've stopped writing my main story for some time now.
It'll probably be moved into some programming stage though, as it WAS originally planned as a game.
But some random piece of literature otherwise. I feel that it's empty and cliched a bit though. Ambiguous otherwise. Oh, what am I saying.

Feelings
She had rejected because she didn't want to hurt. Specifically, hurt others anymore. She felt that the pain she had given others, the worry she had caused them had been enough to last a lifetime, and that she should stop... But how could she help it when she was lonely?
Did it hurt when she smiled at them? Laughed and played jokes with them? Had it been painful to bear the fact that they could never be closer?
People were such fragile things... and she treasured them greatly. Would they not be pained if she were to refuse everything they tried to offer her? And yet still stood around them? Or maybe they didn't care for her...
The rain pitter pattered against the window pain calmly and quietly. It wasn't a rainstorm with thunder and lightning, just a simple shower. Would a new day open after the rain?
Her legs curled up, under blankets on her bed by the window. Her face leaning against the window and her cheek pressed against the cold glass. Eyes fixated on the slow descending drops of the outside world. Street lamp candles blown out or waterlogged, it was dark below. She hugged her knees tighter, still watching the drops.
She shared her small one room apartment with a roommate, drawing curtains from the ceiling to separate sleeping areas. The two windows had been good placemarks for their beds, and so it was decided. A soft gentle breathing could be heard from the other window area. Not a snore, because her roommate didn't snore, but deep breaths that marked the calm breathing of a person at rest.
And yet, her heart was ablaze. Ablaze with the thoughts of how evil she was towards everyone. In turmoil at what possible choices of repention she had. She wasn't the ever religious person, so God was nonexistant. If God had existed for her, such conflict wouldn't exist in the first place anyways. She felt frustrated at the path she had chosen, and yet, she felt it was an inescapable fate she had twined together for herself.
Pitter, patter.
One push and the window could open. Depended on which direction she pushed in. But that one push was between life and death. Windows were dangerous and scary. It felt as though she was staring through herself. Her feelings of inadequecy, and self resentment shone back. It was something she had tried to deny, tried to forget so that the ones close to her would not have to mourn her death.
Was she selfish to want more? To just escape into her reality would be nice, but the people around her would be much too disappointed. They would be in pain, and she didn't want that...
The life she lived... could she continue this way? Such questions tumbled towards her every night. And each night, she would sleep on it. Perhaps it would be for the best this night as well. She diverted her eyes away from the window and towards the dreary blue curtain surrounding her bed. Much of things had lost their meaning, no?
Slowly uncurling her body, she set herself down on the bed. Tomorrow... tomorrow...

I feel inquisitive. Self resentment. =D Bite me. And I guess this would be a bunch of mumbo jumbo. read if you want, critique if you want. otherwise, meh, nothing to say.