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Amylers shorts!

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Author Topic: Amylers shorts!  (Read 158 times)
Amyler
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« on: December 25, 2007, 06:44:17 pm »

Not those kind, silly! Here are a few of my different short stories I've made over time.

The girl walked slowly, surveying the greenery that lay before her. She loved this place, and came there whenever possible. The quiet rustles of the leaves, the still water of the lake, and the peaceful scene always calmed her. The few clouds rolled slowly overhead, and the slightly wind brought no chill. The lake reflected her face as she gazed at it, and her slow smile gleamed in her eyes. She was a pretty girl. Brown, neck length hair that fell down behind her head, green eyes with flecks of brown that twinkled with delight, and a mouth that looked ready to break out into a cheerful smile. She was nearly twenty, and lived alone. She didn’t talk much with her parents, but her younger sister visited often. A year had passed since the girl had finished university, but she still didn’t have a job, from lack of searching probably. The garden was her escape from the worlds hassles; a haven away from humanities hubbub. No one ever came here, but why she couldn’t fathom. The quiet garden was situated next to a cemetery. Maybe that had something to do with it. For her, it was one more reason to go. It made her journeys shorter, and gave her somewhere nice to think. The serenity of the place made her troubles seem trivial, unimportant matters. Here, the only worries were if it would rain soon. She smiled gently. The park bench took her wait without a sound, and she leaned back and closed her eyes, allowing the fragrance of the hundred flowers wash over her. She felt in her pocket for the note she had left in it earlier that day, the small piece of paper with the message she had written 12 times now upon it. But she had left that where it belonged. Inwardly sighing, the woman rose from the chair and left behind the gardens peace.

In the cemetery, a tombstone stood, flanked by others, silently proclaiming the life of its caskets occupant, a once young man, now a body. The date on the tombstone showed the mans death to be 12 months ago. A piece of paper, seemingly discarded, lay in front of the tombstone. Wind lifted it slightly, attempting to lift the page away from its place. But t remained, and the wind subsided. On the page, flowery handwriting proclaimed a message, one that had been left there 12 times now. And in a place no living person could reach, a young man awaiting his love smiled, and gave her thanks.

Ehehe... this opnes okay, I suppose. Its fairly cliched, but I think my writting style is fairly nice. Birthday present to someone a few years back. I'll put in more when I an find them. *giggles*
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PhoenixTears
What's in a name? That which we call a rose.
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By any other name would smell as sweet.


« Reply #1 on: December 25, 2007, 06:53:13 pm »

Ahaha, just to prove StS wrong, right?
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« Reply #2 on: December 25, 2007, 07:05:07 pm »

Yup. :p Well, here is another old gift to a friend, this one I feel is MUCH better. Well, in my opinion, which is of course blatantly biased. XD

A fine slash of color was slotted into the already vibrant collage, fitting in perfectly with the already beautiful dance of color and shape. “It is complete!” Announced Lauren, dramatically and extravagantly bowing towards the filled canvas, and spreading her arms wide. “Well, it IS impressive.” Said Alex, appraising the painting, taking it all in. “But, in truth, I don’t see the point for using so many different colors. Less would surely work just as well, wouldn’t it?” Lauren playfully whacked Alex with a paintbrush across the head, which stealthily deposited a line of blue across his hair. “Because, Leonardo, less color means less to work with. Less to work with means less work done. And less work done …” “means less work rewarded.” Alex finished, playfully sighing and laughing with her. Lauren took a moment to properly look at her finished masterpiece. The vibrant scene was that of a living lake, water gushing down at obvious high speed, and with a calm vibe and a strong look, the picture would seem a photo if not for the clear time spent creating such a beautiful moment, and for the fantastical creature, with muddy, dirty matted fur, a large body and clumsy appearance, but a shine in its eyes, and a gentle posture, holding down a bird to drink from the calmer section of the water. Hidden in the corner, half under a single leaf, the letters LA blended in with a natural yellowed color. “Always wondered why you put my name in there.” Alex said quietly. “I hold the paintbrush by the soft end.” A content smile rested on Laurens face as she rested her check against Alex’s shoulder. “Because.” she replied. “In your eyes is where I first see my paintings.

The event had been so sudden, so painful, and utterly heart wrenching. Alex stood sobbing quietly, looking down at the slab of concrete at his feet. Completely grey, no life or love in it. Or memories. Just a name, two dates, and a little dash between them. All that signified where Lauren was going to rest forever. Tears shone in Alex’s eyes as he kicked it. A howl escaped him as he did again. He collapsed, sobbing. It would be so much easier if he had someone to blame. But no, there was no ones feet at which to put the bill. The fire was accidental, the pain not his alone. All the people living in that flat were out of home, and 7 dead. A figure, a number, trying to convey a message no human could comprehend. Trying to say that 7 collective groups of love, pain, happiness and emotion were all gone forever. Alex howled louder, and the mourners around him seemed to scream with and against him.

“Why, god? Why is SHE dead? You know I would take a thousand years of pain, a million years of torture, if it kept her alive. And you took her, in one of the few moment I was not there to help her. Are you even there? … I thought as much.” Alex broke off, a desolate sob cracking his resolve again, opening the floodgates, and he cried. The priest stood watching him, alone but for the sad boy he had never seen here before, and couldn’t help. Alex stood up, his cheeks wet but his eyes solid. Lauren deserved a better god then this, he thought, storming out of the church.

Laurens paintings, sold. Alex was both overjoyed and tortured at the idea. He could buy them. Not many people would want this girls paintings. So few people had seen them, no one would know their value. So he had thought. The government officials had walked out grinning, and Alex sobbing yet again, clutching three crumpled $20 notes, and watching as Alex’s half a million dollar paintings were inspected by the new owners. “My names there, too.” You yelled to them. None gave him notice.
Alex sat bolt upright in bed, panting. He knew what to do now. What Lauren needed. And he wouldn’t wait for it. Kicking himself out of bed, he hurriedly gathered some of Laurens spare painting materials, things she had given to Alex for safekeeping long ago. Not bothering to change or put on shoes, Alex ran out, clutching the materials. Ten minutes later, still running hard, he reached his destination. The gates were shut firmly. There was an old man inside the booth though, eyeing him suspiciously. “Please!” Alex shouted, obvious to the cold and the time. “Please! I need to get in there!” The old man spat, the glob hitting the wall of the booth and sliding down. “It ain’t right, disrespecting the dead, boy. Go home to your parents now, before I call the cops.” “Alex leant forwards, his head against the bars and said quietly, sadly “Mister, I’m not going to disrespect her. I couldn’t if I tried. But please, please, I must do this now.” The old man studied the boy before him. He looked nice enough, but what did any kid in their right mind plan to do at a cemetery late at night with so many little buckets of paint and a brush? But the old man was moved, and got his keys. “Come on, lad.” He said. We’ll need to get you back in bed after this.

Alex sat down, staring at the slab of granite. It was the same one he had kicked, tried to bring down. Now, he was building it up. The old man behind him held a torch, letting its light hit the gravestone. Silently, Alex opened one of the paint jars, and another, and another. He mixed them all separately, running the brush through the damp grass each time. Then, carefully, laboriously, he painted. What he made was nothing real or substantial; mere slashes of color running around the stone, entwining and dancing about, bringing life. The old man said not a word, merely giving light where needed, until hours later the sun rose, and the torch shone no more. Still Alex worked, as others came to question him, and were quietly ushered away by the man. For near 12 hours Alex worked, not stopping, until he stood up. “Lauren … it is finished.” He whispered.

Row by row, line by line, the grey slabs were sad and pained. By wait! Look there! A kaleidoscope of color and love, crafted from the heart. Laurens painted gravestone was the epitome of life and death for all who came and saw it; they knew just what it meant, if not the story behind it. Alex never went there again consciously. And when he was made the journey, his spot was ready, next to a colored stone.
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Stefan the SwordSaint
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« Reply #3 on: December 25, 2007, 08:23:42 pm »

Ahaha, just to prove StS wrong, right?
wrong about what???
*is confused*
I don't see how this has to do with anything I said...
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clicky clicky
FE9 quote: "Now we've got you! Eat rock! Heh... eat rock... I'm pretty clever..." - Soldier (to Ike's army)
PhoenixTears
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« Reply #4 on: December 25, 2007, 09:56:21 pm »

Ahaha, just to prove StS wrong, right?
wrong about what???
*is confused*
I don't see how this has to do with anything I said...
Ummm... remember what you said about Eragon? and how Amyler couldn't do that well?
Well, he's posting his stories to decide whether or not he writes as well as Christopher Paolini.

Hmm... I only started reading the beginnings, it's kinda... too... starts out somewhere in the middle of a story and it kinda doesn't make sense. It's.. also a little too descriptive...
I dunno, just my opinion...
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Stefan the SwordSaint
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« Reply #5 on: December 26, 2007, 09:30:24 am »

Ahaha, just to prove StS wrong, right?
wrong about what???
*is confused*
I don't see how this has to do with anything I said...
Ummm... remember what you said about Eragon? and how Amyler couldn't do that well?
Well, he's posting his stories to decide whether or not he writes as well as Christopher Paolini.

Hmm... I only started reading the beginnings, it's kinda... too... starts out somewhere in the middle of a story and it kinda doesn't make sense. It's.. also a little too descriptive...
I dunno, just my opinion...
Saw that after posted, ccompletely forgot about it...And Amyler if your writings turn into a best seller and get a movie (not some homemade one Tongue, I mean a real one) I'll admit I was completely and utterly wrong in every was possible about Earagon.Even though I'll be lying...
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clicky clicky
FE9 quote: "Now we've got you! Eat rock! Heh... eat rock... I'm pretty clever..." - Soldier (to Ike's army)
Amyler
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« Reply #6 on: December 27, 2007, 03:07:54 am »

Hmm... I only started reading the beginnings, it's kinda... too... starts out somewhere in the middle of a story and it kinda doesn't make sense. It's.. also a little too descriptive...
I dunno, just my opinion...

Too descriptive? o_O You, my lady, are the first person I have EVER meet to use that to critique writing. XD Pray tell, why is it a problem?

Hmm... starting out in the middle of a story? Thats propably because I always have trouble at the introducing stuff. =/ gotta work on that.

^ XD I can't say its a bestseller, but the friend I mentioned earlier and I (along with 2 others) have indeed published work! An anthology of short stories, to be exact. The last 1 I posted in her was included in it. Only Australia wide release, sadly.

I feel the need to debate over this. On an expanded range, of course. Check out GE, will you? Iff you haven't already, of course.
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Stefan the SwordSaint
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« Reply #7 on: December 27, 2007, 08:42:22 am »

Hmm... I only started reading the beginnings, it's kinda... too... starts out somewhere in the middle of a story and it kinda doesn't make sense. It's.. also a little too descriptive...
I dunno, just my opinion...

Too descriptive? o_O You, my lady, are the first person I have EVER meet to use that to critique writing. XD Pray tell, why is it a problem?
Hmm... starting out in the middle of a story? Thats propably because I always have trouble at the introducing stuff. =/ gotta work on that.

^ XD I can't say its a bestseller, but the friend I mentioned earlier and I (along with 2 others) have indeed published work! An anthology of short stories, to be exact. The last 1 I posted in her was included in it. Only Australia wide release, sadly.

I feel the need to debate over this. On an expanded range, of course. Check out GE, will you? Iff you haven't already, of course.
Actually I was thinking it was too descriptive too...Which is a big problem, particullary(SP?) for not starting in the beggining.
Eh I think I have a good beggining somewhere  Undecided
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clicky clicky
FE9 quote: "Now we've got you! Eat rock! Heh... eat rock... I'm pretty clever..." - Soldier (to Ike's army)
PhoenixTears
What's in a name? That which we call a rose.
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By any other name would smell as sweet.


« Reply #8 on: December 27, 2007, 02:14:28 pm »

I just read them now... because I felt like it.
You seem to have this motif of love and despair... and of death.
They're pretty good, but I got confused in the second one...
maybe my lack of experience in the world of literature....

Nyah, I still think it's a little too descriptive.
I don't know why... but if it becomes too descriptive, it's almost redundant, although some authors would use that as an element in their stories...

Yeah, Amyler, your writing's amazing. Ever consider getting an editor though? Or do you already have one?
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